Revolutionary Measures

Father Tech Christmas

This time last year I wrote about how good Father Christmas is at marketing himself, and I’ve recently been thinking about how he must be relying on technology to get his mammoth job done so quickly. Putting myself at risk of just getting a lump of coal in my stocking here’s how I think Santa is embracing tech come Christmas Eve:

English: Santa sleigh in Brixham inner harbour

Image via Wikipedia

Keeping a track of who has and hasn’t been good is an information nightmare, as is recording who has asked for what. So Father Christmas needs an enormous, complex database to control his activities – though rumours that he entered Red Gate Software’s DBA in Space competition are so far unproven………..

Vertical Takeoff and Landing Sleigh
Reindeer are great, but they’re not the most manoeuvrable of creatures, particularly in town. My guess is that Father Christmas has kitted out his sleigh with thrusters, a la Harrier Jump Jet, to land and take off in confined spaces.

All that talk about GPS satellites being put there by the US military is just a convenient smoke screen. Their main purpose is to enable Father Christmas to plot his route and work out where he is on Christmas Eve. So next time your satnav sends you the wrong way, blame the man in red. 

Saving pennies
When you’ve got to get as many presents as Father Christmas anything that saves a bit of money is going to come in handy. So I reckon he uses the Amazon shopping app on his smartphone (I see him more as an Android chap than iPhone) to check prices online, on the high street and how they compare to Elf-made presents.

Sleigh autopilot
All those glasses of whisky and sherry add up, even when counteracted by mince pies, so as a sensible driver Santa has added autopilot controls to his sleigh. That way he can concentrate on ‘Ho Ho Hoing’ and present delivery rather than avoiding low flying aircraft and the attentions of the police. 

With the march of technology expect more innovation from Father Christmas – I’ve heard he’s looking closely at cloning to enable him to be in more than one place at once and 3D printers to avoid having to move presents long distances…………

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December 19, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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